I'm fine
by Matsuchiiify
Summary: Alabama continues to lie to herself about these sorts of things. Well whether you believe me or not, Mississippi cares... And no, I don't own Hetalia, just my OCs.


"No, I'm fine. Just go."

"No, I-"

"I said go already!" and with that Alabama slammed the door in his face.

"I…" Mississippi whispered as he stared at the now closed door. He only wanted to know how Alabama felt today, but obviously she didn't want to talk about it. Now to Mississippi this seemed a bit harsh, slamming a door in his face all because he wanted to know how she felt. Of course if you knew what had happened last night you'd have a better understanding of Alabama's reaction….

"I hate this," Alabama said with a sigh, "and yet I do nothing about it." She rolled over on her bed, which had no covers whatsoever. She had decided she didn't need them, not like they would cause any more comfort than she had, which wasn't much in her case. She sighed again and got up, turning the lamp on the side table next to her on.

"Where is it?" she muttered as she looked around on her floor, throughout the covers she had left on the floor instead of putting up neatly. "Found it." She picked up a little plushie from between her covers and looked at his face. "Hmm…" This plushie had dark brown hair and button eyes to match; he had no mouth for he had no definite expression. He wore a black t-shirt and jeans and had little brown boots. He had one thing that stood out from the rest, and it was the tiny silver cross necklace around his neck.

"Well…" she whispered with a slight, somewhat forced smile. "Looks like I'm having one of those nights again, if only what I told you would get to Mississippi. The real Mississippi." She then sat on her bed with the plushie still in her hands and held him up in the air, his face looking down at hers. "Sometimes I feel like we're too distant. I feel like you don't love me as much as you used to, care for me like you used to…" Alabama cleared her throat and gently moved her arms down, and the plushie moved along with her arms. She hugged him and whispered, "Yet you haven't figured out I miss you? That I love you as much as I always have? That I…get lonely when you're away? T-That…I can't sleep at night…." Alabama closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm down.

"One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four…." Alabama stopped and was silent for a moment before adding, "Yet not one is here…..but you." She then looked to the plushie she had made so long ago. She made her own Mississippi in hopes that it would make her feel better, and sometimes it worked, just not now.

"….Why do I do this? Try to act like it's okay…..D-Damn it…." Alabama felt her heart beat get a little faster, "D-Damn it! W-Why! Why do you love Arkansas more than me? Why do you always focus on him! What makes him so special!" Alabama stopped and closed her eyes. "I-I'm sorry. I-I take it back….He's….He's just a sweet kid…and I should just shut up and deal with it…"

"Oh God…. She's right….I'm weak…I can't do anything for myself, more or less think things out…" Alabama shook her head and sighed, "I feel sick, good. Maybe I'll become ill and die." She felt her hands tremble which caused her to look down at her plushie. "….W-What? You don't want me to die? Figures, you think that. But you wouldn't notice." She knew this would happen, the more she thought about this the more negative things would come out of her mouth. It's been so long that's she's been like this, she tries to stay quiet and hide it but when she's alone the truth is spewed out.

"What's that? Oh. I'm sorry, but since you have no mouth I guess you can't tell me anything. So sad." Alabama had said that in a rude tone, she lied to herself saying her plushie had no mouth because he couldn't always have one expression, but in reality it was to show that since Mississippi is never there it's like he has no voice, not to forget he has no ears, so he can't really hear her. So, she made her replica of Mississippi a deaf mute because that's how she sees him, well…in an abstract way.

"Alabama, what's wrong?" she heard from her hallway, the same creepy voice she's heard so many times before now had been used once more.

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know?" Alabama said as she turned the other way on her bed facing the wall.

"No need to be like that, it's not like I expected you to tell me." Her shadow walked towards her bed and stood behind her. "Look. This isn't the state in which someone like me, someone like you, someone like us, should be in."

"So kind of you to notice," Alabama sneered. "Now go; I may be lonely, but you're no help."

"Aw, don't be so harsh to me; I only endure all your inner problems."

"What do you want anyway? What is it this time? Come to beat me? Cut me with knives? Criticize me? Tell me what I'm doing wrong?" Alabama had her arms crossed, holding the plushie tightly in her left hand.

"No, I came to tell you this…" her shadow began with a laugh, "you're hopeless."

"W-What?" Alabama whispered as she turned around, but her dark side had disappeared. "…..You're so right…." Alabama looked around once more to see if anyone heard her, but there was no one there. "…Hey…I agreed with you. Do you not care? I see, the one time I agree with your sorry ass and you don't even hear me."

"Oh, but I heard you," the voice said from the shadows, "In fact I've known how you've felt all these years." Dark Alabama appeared behind her with a grin, "Have you forgotten who I am?" Alabama jumped a little at her voice and turned around towards her opposite.

"Of course not, you're-" Alabama began but was cut off.

"Don't tell me what you think of me, tell me what I am. Not what I seem to be, or what you'd like to describe me as, but what I truly am." Dark Alabama leaned forward, getting close to Alabama's face, "Look into my eyes and tell me what you see, tell me what I am." Just as she said that her purple eyes flickered a bit, as if trying to communicate something important.

"You're…." Alabama mumbled to herself.

"Say it. What am I? Hmm? Tell me the truth Alabama; this won't hurt you or me. Realize who you're talking to." Dark Alabama still kept complete eye contact with her opposite.

"…Myself…" Alabama whispered.

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you." Dark Alabama grinned, "Louder, no one can hear you if you don't speak up. Oh wait, that's right. You don't speak up, my mistake."

"….I- I don't have to listen to you. If you're me then….Why can't I tell you what to do?" Alabama found herself asking.

"Oh, haven't you heard? You're never truthful with yourself, so why would I listen to you? All you do is feed me lies. Correct?" Dark Alabama had moved out of Alabama's eyesight and was walking around her room freely.

"…I…I suppose…." Alabama muttered, "But why c-"

"You act as if you have control over your true feelings, but alas, that isn't the case. You walk around a broken hearted woman, a sleepless zombie, someone who can't help but smile when you actually get a chance to see your true love before he dashes off. You hold everything in and never, not once, try to tell yourself 'Oh, this isn't worth it. Maybe I should tell everyone how I feel.' Oh no, that's not how you work, you must be stronger than that, 'I'll be fine, see?' and you go out with a fake smile. I know you better than you think Alabama; I find it ridiculous to have to remind you this. I'm you, I'm what the problem is and you're too weak and naïve to fix it." Dark Alabama sighed and looked over at Alabama who seemed to be staring at her, she understood.

"…..Well how do you deal with it?" Alabama asked.

"Me? Oh, why…..with violence and torture of course," her dark side grinned and her eyes flickered as she laughed, "although it seems only I am cut out for such a life. No one else could stand the things I do to others daily. I guess that's what happens when you snap, huh?"

"S-Snap?" Alabama whispered.

"Go crazy, you know….the crazy house, the funny farm, the place with white walls and strait jackets. That crazy, of course I'm much smarter than those fools. Going and getting caught…. tsk tsk tsk. Don't they know better? Of course, maybe I'm just lucky; maybe it's just pure luck that no one has sent me to the insane asylum. Maybe it's my voice….Scaring people off….." Dark Alabama cleared her throat and looked at Alabama. "Heh heh….."

"…..What's your problem?" Alabama found herself blurting out.

"I have no problem, I am the problem." Dark Alabama laughed a bit and looked over at Alabama, "Why, what's your problem?"

"….Why are you here again!" Alabama yelled at her opposite, she still had her plushie near her, and realizing this quickly hid it behind her arm.

"I- Hmm?" Dark Alabama leaned a bit forward, "What's that you're hiding? Not like I don't already know, being your inner feelings. I know you're afraid I'll see your little plushie and say something about it. Personally, I could care less. While you have that, I have the real deal." Dark Alabama grinned.

"…Why do you have to rub that in my face? Why do you have to be so mean?" Alabama said crossing her arms.

"It's the only way I can get my point across…" Dark Alabama said, and she meant it.

"No it's not, why can't you be nice?"

"I don't know how to do that."

"…." Alabama sat there; she didn't know how to respond to that. What did she mean by that? She doesn't know how to be nice? Does that mean that Alabama doesn't know how to resolve her problems unless she resorts to violence? "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Hmm?" Dark Alabama seemed a bit confused but shrugged it off, "Alabama, I suggest you get some sleep. You'll need it."

"Why? It's not like I ever get enough sleep."

"Trust me, get some rest." Dark Alabama smiled, and this time her smile wasn't so threatening, "Don't worry, I have a feeling things will be alright." With that, the shadow of a woman disappeared.

"Hmph. Sure it will, and then maybe flying pink elephants will burst through my walls." Alabama frowned, "Things will be alright. Yeah right." Alabama sighed and walked into her living room and lied on the floor. "I wonder what time it is. Maybe I don't have to sleep; maybe I can just say its morning…"

Alabama felt extremely tired, this wasn't something she was unfamiliar with but her eyes seemed to be in immense pain, she felt them somewhat burning. "Fine…. I'll close my eyes." Alabama closed her eyes and every once in a while would open them and look around, after tonight she didn't feel all that safe. After a while she stopped looking around, she managed to fall asleep on her living room floor.

She woke up around eight in the morning due to a knock on her door. She slowly got up from the hardwood floor. It caused her back to hurt and her eyes were still telling her she was tired. If she could have, she would sleep her life away. Anyway, her hair looked a mess and she was still upset from last night. She didn't really want to talk to anyone seeing as though she was still tired, and her voice isn't that loud to begin with, maybe because she's tired all the time her voice isn't what it could be.

"Hmm?" she mumbled as she opened the door. Mississippi stood at the door and gave her a strange look.

"Uhh… Alabama, are you okay?"

"Huh?" Alabama asked, "Oh. I'm fine…."

"You don't look like it, do you want me to-" Mississippi began but was cut off.

"No, I'm fine. Just go."

"No, I-"

"I said go already!" and with that Alabama slammed the door in his face.

"I…" Mississippi whispered as he stared at the now closed door.

"Ugh, I hate my life right now," Alabama said as she shifted over to the other side of her living room, and collapsed onto the floor. "Ow…" she sighed and closed her eyes, "So tired….."

"….Alabama…You've been acting to strange lately…" Mississippi mumbled as he turned to walk away from her front door. "I don't know what to do…You obviously aren't willing to talk to me today and I can't just leave you like that…Something just isn't right." Mississippi looked down at his cross necklace and sighed, "Lord, please help me…I know this isn't going to be pretty." Mississippi muttered something and walked away from Alabama's house. After he was far away from her house he ran into someone familiar, his dark side.

"Hey Mississippi," his opposite began, "I figured you'd want to talk to me first, I could feel it in my heart."

"Hey," Mississippi began looking down at his feet, "I guess I have to, huh?"

"I suppose… So, finally come to your senses?" His Dark side asked.

"What do you mean?" Mississippi said looking up from the ground and to his shadow.

"Alabama. Figure something is up? About damn time."

"….So you know…I'm guessing?"

"Yeah, but I say you need to talk to….her."

"Where is she?"

"At home," Dark Mississippi said with a sigh, "good luck, she won't like talking to you."

"I figured as much…" Mississippi responded.

"I'll take you to her," Dark Mississippi said and laughed, "Yes, I'll take you to 'my leader.'"

"I'm not an alien," Mississippi responded in all seriousness.

"Oh, that's too bad. I wanted to know if you had any advanced technology."

"I'm not in the mood," Mississippi responded sternly, he obviously didn't want to hear any jokes right now.

"Alright, alright I'll shut up. You're just no fun today, but I understand." With that Dark Mississippi walked his opposite to his 'leader.'

Mississippi walked into this pitch black room, he couldn't see a thing. He stumbled a bit over something and heard a woman laughing, this woman was-

"Why if it isn't Mississippi? I've been expecting you," Dark Alabama said as she moved towards Mississippi. Her boots making sound as she walks; click clack. "Enjoying my darkness?"

"…." Mississippi stood in silence, he didn't know when or how to ask.

"What, afraid of me?" Dark Alabama began with a grin, "I'm not going to hurt you….yet." Dark Alabama moved her bangs so you could see her eyes, they were a deep purple and it stood out from the pitch black room. They flickered a bit before settling.

"Uhh…" Mississippi shuffled his feet in the darkness, the only thing he could see clearly were Dark Alabama's eyes.

"So Mississippi, what do you want from me? Hmm? Aren't you supposed to be helping Arkansas?" Dark Alabama asked; her eyes getting closer to Mississippi's face, as if she were leaning in towards him.

"I-I wanted to ask you something…" Mississippi muttered.

"Oh, well ask away, I won't bite…" Dark Alabama said with a grin, you could see her smile from the darkness; it wasn't so white that it blinded you, but it wasn't so dull either.

"…Uhh…I-I w-wanted to ask w-what's wrong with A-Alabama…."

"…." Dark Alabama stood up straight, and began walking around Mississippi. "Now Mississippi, you're a nice, honest, respectable man…. It'd be a shame for me to think otherwise and someone with your intelligence surely wouldn't mess with someone as violent as me. Now please tell me you didn't just ask such a question, tell me you're joking."

"…Ma'am. I wouldn't lie to you, or dare mess with you, or even waste your time." Mississippi said looking straight into her eyes.

"I see, so you have no idea?" Dark Alabama responded gritting her teeth a bit.

"N-No Ma'am."

"Well then Mississippi…" Dark Alabama began, grabbing him by his shirt collar, "Now riddle me this, why would such a smart and honest man be so clueless about his true love's feelings?"

"I-" Mississippi mumbled.

"You what? Don't know? What a shame. What else don't you know?" Dark Alabama said sternly.

"I…" Mississippi whispered, a bit scared.

"Well, did you know your sweet Alabama can't sleep at night?" Dark Alabama began, glaring at him. "No, you didn't nor did you know why. She can't sleep because she can't stand the loneliness. She's always alone, Mississippi. Why can't you see that you've neglected her!" Dark Alabama raised her whip, swoosh, and hit Mississippi in anger, CRACK!

"AH!" Mississippi yelled in pain, "I-I didn't know!"

"You didn't know! I wonder why, considering it's not that hard to tell. Of course you're never around long enough to notice….." Dark Alabama said letting it soak in. "You know, she thinks you love Arkansas more than you love her."

"B-But I don't! I love them equally!" Mississippi yelled in defense.

"Is that so? Yet you spend so much more time with Arkansas. I know he's different and needs help, but you know….That doesn't mean you can skip out on….your….girlfriend? If you can even still call her that, you know, she still loves you as much as she always has, but you're not returning that love. Mississippi, don't let her be jealous of Arkansas, and don't give me that look."

"…B-But…Why doesn't she tell me?"

"Mississippi, she doesn't think like that. She wants to be strong; she thinks she can hold up by herself. She thinks her life is too dependent on you, and it is. She can't be happy without you. She's afraid of saying anything because it'll make her look needy. She's weak. She thinks she's just a needy bitch, a jealous bitch, and she should just die somewhere so she isn't in the way."

"….But she's not, can't she see that?" Mississippi asked somewhat worried.

"No, and Mississippi…She's lying to herself, telling herself she'll be fine…I suggest you talk to her, because if she snaps, you'll be seeing a lot more of me in your near future. Now I'm tired of you, be gone!" Dark Alabama said flinging Mississippi out of her way.

Mississippi stumbled to the side and exited into a dark hallway and eventually exited the building. "I…I… need to see Alabama…"

Mississippi stood at Alabama's door and sighed and gently knocked on the door, although he knew it was unlocked, it's just common courtesy to knock before entering. He then proceeded to open the door and walk in. He looked over and saw Alabama, asleep on the hard wood floor.

"Aw, why is she asleep out here?" he muttered to himself as he walked over towards her. He knelt down and picked her up, carrying her to the couch nearby. "Alabama….Sometimes I just don't understand you…" Mississippi walked off towards Alabama's bedroom and saw her covers just spread across her floor. "Why are they all spread out like that?" He said picking up a quilt, "…I remember this quilt. She still has this?"

-Flash back-

"Mississippi, look!" Alabama yelled over to Mississippi, as she held up a quilt. "I finally finished it!"

"Oh, I see. How nice!" Mississippi responded with a smile, "Do you mind if I look at it?"

"Oh, no problem," Alabama said as she handed the quilt to Mississippi, "I sewed it myself. Just me and my needle."

"It turned out nice," Mississippi said smiling as he held the colorful quilt in his hands.

"Thanks! It'll keep us warm," Alabama said with a smile, "considering winter is coming up."

"So it is," Mississippi responded, "so it is."

-Back to reality-

Mississippi shook his head to snap out of his somewhat trance, "Hmm?" Mississippi looked over on her bed and saw the little plushie she made of him and he proceeded to pick it up. He stared at the little cross necklace the plushie had. "Oh…"

-Flash Back-

"Alabama, I couldn't get you much this Christmas since money is tight…but here," Mississippi said handing her a little box, "It has a needle and some thread, I figured you'd like it considering you like to sew…and you lost your other needle." Alabama's face lit up with a smile.

"Thank you so much!" she said hugging him, "Oh, but look at my present! I've been saving up for it." Alabama pulled out from her pocket a silver cross necklace. "I know it's not that much, but I always see you praying and I figured this would keep God with you."

"Aw, thanks Alabama," Mississippi said and kissed her, "I'll always wear this."

"I'm glad to hear that."

-Back to reality-

"…" Mississippi stood in silence and set the plushie down. "I miss those days…." Mississippi fixed the covers on Alabama's bed and set the Plushie on the table near her bed. Mississippi sighed and walked back into the living room and carried Alabama back to her bedroom and tucked her into her covers, putting the quilt on top. "This quilt will keep you warm, no matter what season it is…."

Mississippi kissed Alabama's forehead and whispered, "Alabama, I'm sorry….I-I love you…" Mississippi then took off his necklace and put it around Alabama's neck, "God, love her more than I love her. Let her be your main priority as you go about your day." Mississippi took a deep breath and turned away, "Sweet dreams, my love..." Mississippi then kissed her once more. "I promise I won't neglect you like I've been doing, you'll see. Alabama, I love you, and that will never change."


End file.
